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Your Feminine Odyssey | Part One

Welcome back to the blog!


If you haven’t already, be sure to check out the previous posts for context: The Feminine Odyssey: An Introduction.


Today, we’re diving into how you can apply the Feminine Odyssey so that you can create an aligned, fulfilling life. 


Feel Your Feelings 

Firstly, we have to get in touch with our emotions. I’ve found that the best way for me to do this is to slow down and let myself experience whatever emotion I’ve been too busy or intimidated by to acknowledge. Start with your body. What sensations are you experiencing? 


Then, try naming the feeling and working through its potential causes. This can help you validate the feeling and see its value. 


 

It sounds simple but this can actually be extremely difficult for those of us who are used to shoving feelings aside in order to focus on a task (i.e. in our hero’s journey mindset). Valuing our own emotions can be confusing, terrifying, and humbling. 


I am still a beginner in this in many ways but I have learned that habitually tending to my emotions has given me more insight and direction than my endless overanalyzing ever did. 


Though it can be difficult to see our emotions as anything other than weakness, emotions expand us and our capacity to hold space for our true selves moment by moment. 


Know that letting yourself experience this momentary disorientation will actually ground you more in yourself and eventually, provide you with clarity. Getting honest with yourself about how situations, people, and plans make you feel is the first step in following a path that feels aligned with your authentic self. 


By feeling your feelings, you can begin to “connect with [your] inner world” and realize your dreams for yourself (20). 


 

Validating emotions also comes with accepting change. It is important to acknowledge that being fully honest with yourself, might transform you and your life. 


Perhaps your emotions are revealing to you that you need more boundaries at work. Maybe to fully align with yourself, you have to spend money differently. It’s possible that you will have to stop participating in relationships that don’t serve you. 


It’s scary to feel yourself changing. It’s intimidating to rock the boat and subvert others' expectations. But it might be necessary. 


For me, my emotional life was signaling that I needed to change the way that I approached work. It was scary to even consider making a drastic change in this area but I knew it was what I needed. The path hasn’t been easy but I know my life is aligned with my heart


No one can do this for you. You have to decide if your emotions are worth caring for, if you’re ready to become the fullest version of yourself


There’s no judgment if you’re not in that place yet. There are dark seasons where we have to focus on survival. It’s difficult to face the reality of our emotions and take responsibility for them. Oftentimes, it’s easier to numb out instead. 


But if you’re feeling a pull towards a more authentic and aligned life, know that it all starts with self-honesty. 


Descend into Your Heart

How can we equip ourselves to be authentic even in the face of external pressures? How can we cultivate the courage needed to risk rejection and bring our true selves into being?


One way is by building what psychologists call “self-loyalty.” 


Self-loyalty is cultivated by showing up for ourselves. This can look like being honest with ourselves and others, having healthy boundaries, and taking time to invest in ourselves. But this is not the issue for many of us. If you're a high achiever, you know you can count on yourself to be disciplined, create boundaries, and do just enough self-care to lead a functional life.


But I believe that self-loyalty needs to go further than merely creating functionality. I believe that we need to cultivate an anchoring self-trust that assures us we can hold space for the deepest parts of ourselves.


This means that we need to descend into our hearts and value what we find there.


The practice of descending into your heart is popular among femininity coaches and spiritual guides in the self-help sector. But what does it really mean?


From my research, it seems to be a combination of meditation, self-reflection, and emotional regulation. It's different from feeling your feelings in that it is not focused merely on the moment but instead, on identifying the deep hurts and hopes that reside within you.


Some things that can be helpful when starting this practice include being open, remembering what you were like as a child, and journaling.


Openness

First, it is important to be open to anything that is in your heart. This modern age has trained us to live in our heads. So, sometimes, when we are taking stock of our hearts, we automatically dismiss anything that seems improbable or impractical.


For example, perhaps the more time you spend descending into your heart, the more you find just how deeply you desire to have a farm. The only problem is you've always been a city girl. Everything–your apartment, your boyfriend, your job–is Los Angeles. As a result, whenever this desire bubbles up, you pop it like a balloon. You don't want to get your hopes up.


What would it look like to sit with this desire? To refrain from judging it immediately? To accept it?


Another scenario could be that you grew up in a religious household and have been taught that wanting anything beyond basic needs is greedy. (Having been through a legalistic phase myself, I can relate to this.) If this is the case, chances are that any time you begin recognizing, a genuine, pure-hearted desire, you dismiss it as selfish.


Unfortunately, when we dismiss our heart's desires, we can become disconnected, anxious, and bitter.


 

It's crucial that we learn how to be at peace with our desires, and to accept ourselves with gentleness.


If you've never done this before, start this with the goal of being neutral. It can be helpful to approach the desire as an objective observer, as if you were your own friend.


For instance, if you were the city girl who was scared of her lifelong dream to live on a farm, you could start by saying "it's totally okay to want this" and "I accept that this is one of my desires." Eventually, you'll be able to own this part of you and perhaps determine which aspects of the desire are most yearned for and live into them.


For example, after months of accepting her dream to live on a farm, maybe our city girl realizes owning a pet would get at the root of her longing for something to nurture. Or, instead, maybe she plans to move to nearby suburbs for a slower pace of life. Perhaps she determines nothing but a real farm will satiate this want so she vacations to a nearby ranch as much as she can while saving up for one of her own.


One easy way to get in the habit of descending into your heart is to start making a quick note of all of your desires every morning. They can be anything from "live in castle" to "get an iced mocha." It can be a fun way to connect with yourself before getting lost in the demands of the day.


The goal is to become more open to acknowledging your desires so that you can become better acquainted with your own heart.


Reflection

Another way to descend into your heart is to reflect on your childhood self. What did she dream about? What were her hopes for her future?



If you can't remember, try looking through old diaries or photos. You could also ask your family members or friends.


Of course, it is totally natural for goals to change as you get older. Still, I think there is something to be said for the activities and dreams we were drawn to as young kids.


Could there be any elements of those old hobbies and hopes that still resonate with you today? How has what you are passionate about changed over time?


Journaling

One activity that can be especially helpful with this is journaling. I recommend taking a few minutes to reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself and your dreams. Reflect on when your intuition was right and when you made decisions out of fear.


Reflect on your values. What are they separate from what everyone else wants for you?


What are your boundaries?


What are your dreams for yourself?


If you do this regularly, it will be much easier to trust yourself when decisions come your way. 

 

That's all for today! I hope this was helpful.

Hudson, K. (2010). The virgin’s promise: Writing stories of feminine creative, spiritual, and sexual awakening. Michael Wiese Productions.


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