Your Feminine Odyssey | Part Three
Welcome back to the blog! Today, we’re going over an extremely important step for stepping into your authentic power and realizing your dreams.
All of this is based on the Feminine Odyssey, a concept you can learn more about here: The Feminine Odyssey: An Introduction.
Without further ado, let's dive into a crucial aspect of the Feminine Odyssey.
Break the Cycle
Whether or not we admit it to ourselves, most of us are stuck in some sort of negative cycle.
Some of us keep dating the same type of guy over and over. Others push themselves to overachieve but never feel satisfied. I was one of those people who hopped from job to job, career path to career path without ever gaining a real sense of clarity.
So what is it for you?
What aspect of your life is frustrating you? Where do you keep putting in all your effort only to end up right back where you started?
Take time to consider the beliefs that you have in this area.
I struggled for years with the idea that my personality and skill set were too strange to be useful. I had to dig deep to find this though. On the surface, it just looked like trying to adapt to whatever job was at hand. But deep down, I was functioning out of fear of my own uniqueness–too scared to acknowledge that my purpose was more untraditional than I was comfortable with.
Dig Deep. What is underneath your self-sabotaging behavior?
Could it be shame, fear, anger, or desperation?
What would it look like to challenge these beliefs? What are small ways that you can teach yourself a healthy perspective on this topic?
Of course, if these struggles run deep, I recommend talking with a trusted counselor to work through them.
Tune Out the Naysayers
According to Hudson,
“the unhealthy maiden is caught in a life that services the needs, values, and directions of others–to her own detriment and neglect” (Hudson, pg 11).
Picture Cinderella while she’s still serving her stepmother and sisters. Of course, her kindness is admirable but she is also killing herself to meet everyone’s expectations. This part of her story shows us that denying ourselves dignity and failing to enforce healthy boundaries leads to a life of depletion and confusion.
It isn’t until Cinderella listens to her own desire to go to the ball that her life begins to change. But in order to do this, she has to tune out the lies that she is too lowly to attend, was not really invited, and would embarrass her family if she went.
Notice that all of these lies come from those closest to her–her stepmother and stepsisters.
When we acknowledge a neglected part of ourselves and begin to bring it to light, we are often discouraged by those who know us well.
It can be heart-breaking. The doubtfulness, fear, and disapproval can cause us to question ourselves. Furthermore, our love for our people can actually be an obstacle to our growth when these people wish to keep us from changing.
Every woman on her Feminine Odyssey “is tasked with establishing psychological independence… by assert[ing] her vision for her life [despite] the psychological pull of her community” (Hudson, pg. 8, 22).
This means that everyone on a Feminine Odyssey is pressured to conform to the values of those around her, a dilemma commonly referred to as an "Ophelia Complex." She has to psychologically remove herself from these pressures and give herself permission to live authentically.
She must navigate the murky waters of well-meaning but misguided advice, and she must discern which aspects of her personhood are authentic from those that are forced.
When she encounters behaviors and beliefs in her life that do not align with her true self, she prunes them. When she encounters doubtfulness and mockery of her authentic nature, she tunes it out.
Unlike the Hero's Journey (which is based around confronting external threats), the feminine struggle is against her own disconnected heart and unaccepting community.Therefore, this is a path wrought with complications, disapproval, and rejection. There may even be times when the heroine feels ashamed, afraid, and confused enough to question herself.
In order to establish psychological independence, one has to practice validating her own opinions and trusting herself. Ultimately, this is based in valuing one's own self-knowledge and intuition above the opinions of others.
It can be difficult to listen to yourself when other people are telling you what you should do. But remember that those around you only know how you have shown up in the world SO FAR.
Only you know your true potential.
My intent is not to bash any and all sorts of counsel, Of course, you can take the advice of those whom you trust. But be selective! Most people will not understand or support your dreams until they have seen them working out in reality for a while. In fact, those closest to us often need the longest time to adjust to how we change.
Before the Fairy Godmother appeared to transform her, Cinderella had no external evidence to prove she was worthy of attending the ball. She just knew, deep down, that she belonged there–that she was meant for more than her life of scrubbing floors.
Her story shows us some of the difficulties that come with the Feminine Odyssey. "The [female] story is about knowing her dream for herself and bringing it to life while surrounded by the influences of her kingdom"(20). The Feminine Odyssey is not for the faint of heart! It requires courage and radical honesty with one's self and with others.
This wraps up our series on beginning Your Feminine Odyssey! I hope this was helpful for you.
Hudson, K. (2010). The virgin’s promise: Writing stories of feminine creative, spiritual, and sexual awakening. Michael Wiese Productions.