How to Burn it All Down And Start Over (Again): Embracing Endings

Women crave safety.

As the more vulnerable sex, we’re neurologically wired to detect and respond to threats more intensely than men (Research finds sex-based differences in how brains handle threats,eurekalert). In general, we’re less likely to take risks (Gender Differences in Risk Assessment: Why do Women Take Fewer Risks than Men?, DOAJ). 

Because we’re designed to value security, it can be hard to leave social networks, relationships, and jobs even if we’re unfulfilled. 

As an enneagram 5, I’m especially prone to attachment and living from a scarcity mindset. I’ve stayed in misaligned jobs, relationships, and career paths too long because I was afraid there wouldn’t be anything better.

I thought I was being wise. I was wrong.

I was conflating wisdom and fear. 

In the Bible, they are actually portrayed as somewhat oppositional. Of course, there are many Proverbs about the fear of the Lord being the beginning of wisdom, but this speaks more to a respect and awe of God’s power, not to being scared all the time. 

Sure, the wise woman of Proverbs 31 works diligently and plans. But she also laughs without fear of the future (Prov 31:35). She is living from a place of strength, confidence, and trust.

It’s not courageous to stay in situations that are destroying you. It’s not healthy. And unless the Lord has called you to it, it doesn’t honor Him to needlessly suffer. 

It’s ok to burn it all down. 

Of course, that’s not the first step. The first, wise reaction should be to see if you can change things. Speak up. Tell your boss what isn’t working for you. Express your needs to your significant other. See if there is any good that’s worth salvaging—not out of fear but out of gratitude. 

Then, if despite expressing yourself, there is no change, grab the matches. 

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Endings can be scary. 

And sad. 

And stressful. 

Whether you’re quitting a job, ending a relationship, or moving away, change can bring up a tsunami of emotions: 

Doubt. Regret. Euphoria. Anxiety. Grief.

Change can feel unnatural—like ripping an organ out of your body. 

But if you don’t like your life or who you’re becoming, then it's necessary. 

Trust that God will heal your heart and go before you (Psalm 147: 3, Psalm 139:5). Trust yourself and your intuition. Take the leap, and start afresh.

Now, we have to address that there’s a very real possibility that your big change won’t go well. That it will end in a crash rather than a graceful landing. (Manifestation girlies swear that if you just believe good things will happen, they will, but that’s just not reality.) 

I’ve made moves, taken jobs, and started new relationships that didn’t work out. And it sucks. 

When you put yourself out there and take a big risk that doesn’t end well, it’s defeating. 

And the next time you start feeling that itch of “this isn’t right,” past failures can make it difficult to jump again. 

You regret your mistakes.

You begin to doubt your own inner voice. 

But you shouldn’t. 

Just because you can’t control the outcomes of those changes you made doesn’t mean your past attempts were mistakes. It means you were trying to improve your life. 

Oftentimes, when looking back, it’s easy to oversimplify things based on their results. 

(Like how Taylor Swift, whose Speak Now album was ~obviously~ a masterpiece, refuses to honor it in the way it deserves since statistically, it wasn’t a big chart-topper.) 

But in reality, those “failed” attempts of seeking alignment probably did more good for you than you’re even aware of. Those changes exposed you to new worlds and opportunities that now, you might take for granted. 

In fact, just the act of you breaking those ties and starting something new built up your risk-taking muscle and expanded your capacity to adapt to change.

For example, one year in my life, I moved a total of four times—and one of those times was across the country!

At the time, I felt like a total mess since none of the places I’d moved to ended up being my homebase.

However, looking back, I can see how those changes prepared me to make my latest move which has been so life-giving and grounding. 

My experience reminds me that even if you make a mistake, you can always try again another way. Even something as stressful and expensive as moving can be reversed, and reversed again.

Life is more fluid than we think it is. 

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Change is part of life. You might as well be the initiator of it. 

Just because us women are not as inclined to risk or seek newness over safety doesn’t mean we can’t benefit from a fresh start. 

In fact, in some ways, we are biologically wired for change. Our monthly cycles model what it’s like to live in different seasons. In fact, certain phases even peak our capacity to have deep insights and take bold action. 

Lastly, remember:

starting over doesn’t mean starting from scratch.

You have your experience, your close relationships, and your self—your kindness, intelligence, and passions. 

Starting a “new life” and “moving in silence” can be over-glamorized on the internet. In reality, it’s messy, stressful, and sometimes even disappointing. 

But when you’re in the pursuit of purpose, change is always worthwhile. 

So, don’t be afraid. Gaining more alignment in your life is worth the risk. 

Until next time!

-Megan