When Nothing Works Out: Finding Purpose in the Middle of the Mess

Have you ever felt like you want to pursue your dreams but keep hitting closed doors? 

Maybe you want a relationship or a job or to live somewhere else, but no matter how hard you try, life is simply not allowing it to happen.

I’ve been there. After college, I couldn’t find a job—something that older generations had promised me was guaranteed. 

I wanted to move out from my parents’ place. I wanted to date. I wanted to contribute my gifts to the world. I wanted to start my life. 

But there I was, for months and months, writing cover letters for hours on end—before ChatGPT might I add—to never hear back from any the places I applied to. And worse, I watched multiple friends get married, obtain jobs, and move away. 

I felt stuck. 

I know I’m not the only one who has struggled to keep hope alive in seasons of struggle. In fact, with only 30% of Spring 2025 graduates finding jobs in their field, there are tons of us who are losing stamina and hope for the future. 

Those outside the situation presume that you’re simply not trying hard enough. 

Well-meaning gurus claim that only if you did more “inner work,” life would finally open up for you. Even pastors and Christians can question if your struggles are some sort of divine punishment for failing to spend enough time with the Lord.

And that’s simply not true. 

You can't force purpose. 

Of course, in order to live aligned with our authentic selves, we need to be intentional. We need to unearth our desires and values. We need to take courageous, messy steps towards our goals. We need to be willing to hear hard truths and to vulnerably express ourselves. 

But there is also an element of finding purpose that out of our control. And sometimes what we need to do most is:

SURRENDER.

Any other eldest daughters in the room hate that word? 🙋🏼‍♀️

For some of us, surrender is the LAST thing that we want to do. We’re driven to take control, to be relentless, to pursue autonomy and agency above all else. 

But the reality is that I don’t have complete control over my life. And neither do you. 

I’ve learned that when despite my best efforts, nothing is changing, I have to relax and ride the wave so that I don’t burn myself out.

As a Christian, believing in a loving God makes surrender easier. I know that there’s someone who cares about me and my ultimate wellbeing. When I’m frustrated, leaning into prayer and silence with the Lord are helpful practices. 

In these seasons of uncertainty and fruitlessness, God affirms rest with stories like Elijah, an Old Testament prophet who became exasperated to the point of suicide. Guess what God told him. 

“Try harder.” Nah.

“You’re just not strategic enough.” Nope.  

“Eat a snack and take a nap. I’ll be here to help once you’re more rested."

Yup (1 Kings 19). The God of the universe sees us.

If you’re a believer, you have permission to grieve and rest (Lam 3, Matt 11:28-30). You can surrender to the Father and trust that He is breaking through the darkness to restore your life (Jn 15:2, Eph 2:10). 

Life comes in seasons and there is goodness to be found on this side of heaven (Eccl 3, Ps 27:13). 

Whether you’re a believer or not, learn to surrender. Trust that there is a bigger plan than you can see. And find the balance of pursuing purpose while releasing control over the outcomes. 

God wants your life to be fruitful. People (who you’ve already met and those haven’t yet) want you to thrive. And you can trust yourself to be your own greatest advocate. 

Know that even when you don’t have full control,

your purpose will gradually unfold over time. 

Now, I have to acknowledge that the world is changing at a rapid pace. Like the internet, AI is going to alter life and work in ways we can’t even imagine. The reality is that many millennials and gen-Zs are worse off than previous generations. 

Life isn’t ideal. It can be quite scary, especially when it comes to work, finances, and fulfillment. 

But maybe these issues are making purpose even more important. When life is hard, we want to feel like what we do matters, that we are living aligned with our true selves. 

So how do we tap into a sense of purpose when we’re discouraged and trapped in a situation that we can’t get out of? 

By focusing on the roots, not the fruit.

The Purpose Model shows that the fruits of impact, vocation, self-trust (i.e. confidence), and alignment are grounded in the roots of character. 

If you need a refresher, here’s an overview of how the model works: 

Work on your hope, courage, realism, and self-worth. And after you feel solid in that, move up to gaining deep self-understanding, learning how to authentically express yourself, setting meaningful goals and taking committed action on them. As you continue to grow and expand your capacities, you should be able to more easily tap into a sense of fulfillment. 

If you’re in that specific situation of feeling stuck, I would especially focus on hope and setting meaningful goals. 

Hope can be built through practicing gratitude, getting encouragement from others, seeking out relatable stories of people who overcame struggles , and focusing on your own resilience and opportunities. 

Then, set small, meaningful goals. 

I used to think that was an oxymoron—only significant accomplishments mattered, I certainly couldn’t get any fulfillment from something small. 

But you’d be surprised how much joy can come from

micro-dosing actions that align with your purpose. 

For me, writing a blog or making a video helps me find the creative fulfillment that I long for—even though they aren’t necessarily paving the way for me to become a full-time creative. It’s not about hitting a certain number of subscribers. It’s about expressing myself and growing my skills. 

Taking small steps towards your passion can look cringey. But unless you’re the one in a million person to get it right on the first try, embarrassment is the price of admission for alignment. The steps may feel insignificant and awkward but they set you on the path to fulfillment.

If you’re a believer, trust that God can use the little that you bring to the table (Matt 14:13-21).

And ask yourself “who do I want to become?”

Who will I be at the end of my life, will I be satisfied with what I’ve done?

Will I be excited to stand before the Lord and remember all that we did together? 

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say I used everything He gave me.” -Erma Bombeck 

So, EMBRACE THE CRINGE. Take a small step towards authenticity and hope. Your soul will thank you.

-Megan